Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
