We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
