1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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