Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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