12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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