3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think your dad took our porno
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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