i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
