i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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