Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
