do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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