im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
