he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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