i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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