I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
soo... how was my night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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