i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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