I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
