herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
