i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
