Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
