i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
