haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My dick has a subreddit
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
