so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
