I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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