everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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