Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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