Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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