pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my poor anus
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
