someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
