You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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