get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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