he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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