how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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