Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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