Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
