Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
