Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
