i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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