I want to stick my p in your. b.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
