mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
