The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
