I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
