Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
