I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
