she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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