hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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