If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
