New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
