mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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