so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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