I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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