he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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