Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
