I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
