I skipped work to stalk him.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
